It seems that I am entering another cycle of "work", on myself, traumas, past circumstances, current feelings.
This morning I found myself graciously acknowledging I was headed into this place, if not already a few steps in. A first. I have never gone into doing this cyclical work, this cyclical burning of the old, with awareness that that is what was happening. How new, how scary and exciting, how odd.
I knew that today I had to sit in my feelings. This 'new' action of actively feeling and encouraging a feeling besides happiness, and anger. All my old tactics for coping, fighting to be used, because I know them, they are "easier", their paths so well worn in my brain, their effects so visible on my heart, mind and body...you served your purpose old tactics, thank you for helping me get here, but there is a new way. *Sits down, in my feelings, and 24/7 fluffy gown*
I have to say that art has made it...well not easier...but it has given me a process of dealing with it. Art is not the tactic, but the process - I don't know how to explain it, but there is a fine distinction between it.
As for what I am dealing with, I still am not 100% sure that I can name it yet, bits and pieces are coming up, but nothing is cohesive. I haven't felt that full pang yet, when I know "Ah ha, this is what that is." The click between my unconscious and conscious.
Ancestors are on my mind though...the ones we put in our shrines and the ones we try to wipe from our minds.