Add Value or Else

So to do blog posts everyday, I realise not every single one can be, or will be deep, some may read like diary entries (whiny, angry, or deliriously happy), some may read like a philosopher (well I would like to think so), and others will be plain ol' trash. Open up wide.

That's ok though, one thing my art practise has taught me this year, is that I make a lot of "trash", so that I can finally do one singular thing that is mildly awesome. Making trash has become integral to my process.

Todays "trash"

I really struggled today with the idea of "adding value". In my previous life, I was very keen and intent on adding value. It was easy to do, the rules were mostly straight, and I had measures. It is allegedly undeniably valuable when you do anything in excel *smirks in VBA*. In fact people even marvel at you, and say "That Tamara, she sure is (insert general praise here). So naturally in my art practise, every single outer action I do is peppered with the question "How are you adding value?", and now, it is serving to hold me back. I feel sabotaged by this ideology: "How is this adding value"...in fact I am just now seeing how rooted in Capitalism it is too.

See my work is NOT adding value, not to other humans, not really. I don't mean that in a self-depreciating way, I just mean: I don't believe someone views some sinister character I've painted, and crawls into bed, and whispers to their partner...."You know that Tamara, she sure is (insert amazing compliment here)". What I do believe is that someone could find value in something I have done, but it is not a most-definitely-finds-value kind of situation. Plus it may not just be from viewing what I have made, they could find value in me being; courageous or brave or crazy. Plot twist: I do not do those things out of the constant pressure of "add some value"...

Those things are done for me.

So maybe this is where I have the entire value proposition thing mixed up, maybe the only person I need to add value to, is myself. Now I don't mean that in the skin all zebras and wear them as jackets way (leave our Zebra's alone!). I mean that in the; it's totally ok to make a video just showing me painting because it helps me learn how to edit! It is okay to post a piece of art and not feel like I need to qualify it, explain it, or anything else to add value to the viewer, because the value lies in me just being a part of a social network.

So yeah, that's the idea still swirling around in my head today. Which is immensely freeing too. Yeah I still do want to add value, I do want someone to see my shit, and say "Yeah, that speaks to me", but I can only create said shit, when I am my own audience...and even then, it is just shit.

So here is to me adding value to my own life, and totally creating

with no purpose except to service myself *wink*

Tamka OUT!

PS: I am taking part in a daily blogging challenge run by Effy Wild - check it out here